Tradition has it that
Mother-in-laws are interfering, obnoxious additions to married life. Women in this role are often pictured as
harridans, who feel that no one is good enough for their child, let alone be
the parent of grandchildren. Who would
volunteer for that position? Most women
would not want to fill this description.
However, if you are a mother, and your child gets married, what can you
do but become “the Mother-In-Law?”
My choice
of mil’s was very fortuitous. As a
newly-wed, she took me under her wing and began the teaching process of how to
be a farmer’s wife, teaching mainly by
example. Being a town-raised female, I
needed this instruction badly. I was her
first in-law child and perhaps we learned the art of give and take of this
relationship together. I only know that
it worked beautifully and I am forever grateful. She approved of me, became a best friend, the
forever variety.
The lessons
I learned were numerous: cooking, gardening, preservation of foods, getting
that meal on the table at the time needed before the hay crew was due to
arrive. She was there in the grandma
role as well, willing to give advice when asked, holding back when she felt it
was none of her business. She listened
to my woes, my moments of confusion and frustration. I knew if I had a run-in with her son that
the place I would be most welcome was at the home of his parents.
Our homes within a mile of each
other, over the many years we shared our lives.
Pulling weeds from flower beds, side by side, I tried to soak up the
wisdom she could impart. She also let me
know that she gained from me in return. She welcomed me into her family, did
her best to make me comfortable in new surroundings, and helped me form friendships in a place
where I was totally unknown.
My experience of observing close up
women in this position completely goes against the grain of tradition. As near
as I could tell my parents, both of them, liked their spouse’s mothers. My maternal grandmother lived with us for the
last years of her life. My father
particularly looked forward to the results of her culinary skills, especially
pies of any variety, his favorite dessert.
She took his good-natured teasing and knew he loved her.
Mothers’
Day is arriving, my first without my own mother-in-law who passed away several
months ago. My own mother has been gone
for twelve years. I miss them both and
recognize how fortunate I have been. Hopefully
I have learned from the lessons of the mils in my life. Mothering, whether it is biological, in-laws,
or just random, is a very needed calling.
