Mother-In-Laws Are Still Mothers

Tradition has it that Mother-in-laws are interfering, obnoxious additions to married life.  Women in this role are often pictured as harridans, who feel that no one is good enough for their child, let alone be the parent of grandchildren.  Who would volunteer for that position?  Most women would not want to fill this description.  However, if you are a mother, and your child gets married, what can you do but become “the Mother-In-Law?”

            My choice of mil’s was very fortuitous.  As a newly-wed, she took me under her wing and began the teaching process of how to be a farmer’s wife,  teaching mainly by example.  Being a town-raised female, I needed this instruction badly.  I was her first in-law child and perhaps we learned the art of give and take of this relationship together.  I only know that it worked beautifully and I am forever grateful.  She approved of me, became a best friend, the forever variety.

            The lessons I learned were numerous: cooking, gardening, preservation of foods, getting that meal on the table at the time needed before the hay crew was due to arrive.  She was there in the grandma role as well, willing to give advice when asked, holding back when she felt it was none of her business.  She listened to my woes, my moments of confusion and frustration.  I knew if I had a run-in with her son that the place I would be most welcome was at the home of his parents. 

Our homes within a mile of each other, over the many years we shared our lives.  Pulling weeds from flower beds, side by side, I tried to soak up the wisdom she could impart.  She also let me know that she gained from me in return. She welcomed me into her family, did her best to make me comfortable in new surroundings,  and helped me form friendships in a place where I was totally unknown.

My experience of observing close up women in this position completely goes against the grain of tradition. As near as I could tell my parents, both of them, liked their spouse’s mothers.  My maternal grandmother lived with us for the last years of her life.  My father particularly looked forward to the results of her culinary skills, especially pies of any variety, his favorite dessert.  She took his good-natured teasing and knew he loved her.

            Mothers’ Day is arriving, my first without my own mother-in-law who passed away several months ago.  My own mother has been gone for twelve years.  I miss them both and recognize how fortunate I have been.  Hopefully I have learned from the lessons of the mils in my life.  Mothering, whether it is biological, in-laws, or just random, is a very needed calling.